What Is Biblical Courtship?

The words “courtship” and “dating” are not mentioned in the Bible once. In Biblical times, marriages were generally arranged by families for reasons varying from economical to political. Love was usually not an important determinant. Fast forward to now, one’s spousal choice is generally a free choice based on love. In Biblical regard, there is no other reason for courtship than to find the right person to marry. A marriage is intended to be a permanent and unbreakable relationship, but how should we go about finding the right one?

This is the time to ask questions
Though marrying for love is not necessarily wrong, it is not the best scenario. Because of love, a lot of women choose to oversee some alarming behavioural habits. Let’s say your partner has a tendency to call you names, you might choose to forgive him for doing so because you know he is otherwise a great man. However, this is not the kind of things we ought to oversee before getting married. In a Biblical courtship, your one purpose is to judge and dismiss spousal choices. As Creflo Dollar once said in one of his sermons: ask a bunch of questions.

Ask him about his relationship with God; ask him whether he wants children, if so, how much; ask him what his credit score is; ask him what diseases have befallen his family; ask him about his political views; ask him whether he is tidy or messy; ask him his view on divorce and then ask him another hundred questions. Biblical courtship is all about getting to know someone and to see whether their views align with that of yours. This is not a time for sexual immorality or to fall into other sin. Also, be very selective with who you spend your time on, not everybody deserves your consideration.

It is also very important to make sure that you are whole before you consider giving yourself to someone else. Ask yourself, is this even the right season for me to be thinking about dating? You might want to consider finishing school and starting a career before you agree to be somebody’s wife. People who marry for love are often amongst the ones who get divorced. The reason here for is simple; when times get hard or love fades, they discover that this is not the person they want to spend their life with. So then what is their foundation?

Building a foundation
Biblical courtship revolves around building a foundation and obtaining the Lord’s favour. Some couples can go through the heaviest storms and come out stronger, whilst other separate during their first cracks. This difference might well be the difference between having God on your side, and not. You see, your prayer life determines the course of your life, so also you relationship. The movie War Room has set a great example of how your prayer life can impact your relationship. It is not every battle that we need to fight, God can handle them better than we ever can.

So also during courtship, let your prayer life be strong and consistent. In this way, you have a far greater chance to discover the person God has intended for you. Truly, even before you get into the commitment of dating a particular person, some time should have passed in which you study that person. What are their habits? How do they treat other people? In what way do they portray themselves? What kind of words do they use? The most important thing to analyse however, is a someone’s relationship with God. When we read Proverbs 18:22, it says: “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord.” But how can a man obtain favour from the Lord when his relationship with God is lukewarm or even non-existent? A man can seem like the greatest catch on earth, he is not the right one for you if he will not bring you closer to God.

It is important to first discover a person’s innermost character, who they really are when no one is looking, before deciding to make a commitment of the heart. Love is an important factor in choosing a spouse; just make sure it is not the dominant one. Remember: “God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God” (Romans 8:28, NLT). When God is your first priority in life, everything will surely fall into place, even your husband.

God bless,
Sipporra TC
Founder of The Purpose Wife

Want to read more? Sign up here to receive new blog posts directly per e-mail.