They call me strange.. confused.. lost.. just because I don’t do it. Not really planning to do it. Nor am I ready to do it. Maybe someday but for now I just know that it is not necessary for me to do it.. whether the opportunity has come now or not.. Can you still follow me?
Dating is a kind of taboo in the (African) Christian community. But why though? It’s a normal thing right? I mean, how am I supposed to know my spouse if I don’t get the chance to date him/her for some time? Truthfully spoken (in my opinion) dating is and shall never be the answer to “knowing someone”. It is one thing to know who the person is by paying attention to his/her actions, yet, what goes on in their mind will always be a mystery. Next to that, it is not up to find us to find out whether or not someone is a match for us. The only one who really knows every human being from the inside out, knows who our perfect match is, who knows who our “bone of bone and flesh of flesh (Genesis 2:23)” is, is God.
With this being said, why can’t we then consult God to send us the one who He has for us? Why can’t we have the faith in God that He will give us the right one? We, as women, shouldn’t have to “test” men by dating around. Scripture clearly says “He who finds a wife” (Proverbs 18:22). It is the responsibility of the man to be under the guidance of the Lord and find his wife. As women, it is our responsibility to pray for discernment in order for us to recognize the one God has intended for us to get married to, not to find him. When a man has come to you, it is up to you to consult the Lord and seek his guidance in making the right choice. But before we get into the subjects of “dating” and “marriage”, let’s find out what God had in store for us when He created us in the first Book of the Bible.
Genesis 1:26 (AMP): “Then God said, “Let us (Father, Son, Holy Spirit) make man in Our image, according to Our likeness [not physical, but a spiritual personality and moral likeness]; and let them have complete authority over the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, the cattle, and over the entire earth, and over everything that creeps and crawls on the earth.” And it continues at Genesis 1:28b saying: “Be fruitful, multiply, and fill the earth, and subjugate it [putting it under your power]; and rule over (dominate) the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, and every living thing that moves upon the earth.” God has given us the authority to rule over all living things on this earth and also to be fruitful and multiply. But should we do that on our own? No, God thought of everything. Genesis 2:20b states the following: but for Adam there was not found a helper [that was] suitable (a companion) for him. Mind you that Adam never asked for a woman: he was only busy doing what God had called him to do.
He never asked God to also create someone for him. But God saw that it was not good for Adam to be alone. And this is the most beautiful part of Adam meeting his wife. Then Adam said, “This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man (Genesis 2:23). If you read carefully, you will notice that he didn’t firstly say that she is the flesh of his flesh but the bone of his bone. He noticed the inside of her before he noticed the outside. He felt the inside attraction before he felt for the outward appearance. God had not told him that the woman was made from his bone, but the moment he saw his wife he knew that she was made out of him. He felt it inside at first. And where does God work first when working on humanity? Exactly, on the inside; because God is Spirit (John 4:24).
The final Bible verse I want to leave you with is Genesis 2:24 (ESV): For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. Not his girlfriend, not his live-in partner, not his fiancée, but his wife. It is better to wait on God than go ahead with our own decisions. If we wait and rely on God, we show God that we truly trust that He will bring us the right partner. Again, as a reminder: when we have prayed and consulted the lord and then have the strong conviction that “the one” has come around; this is when dating is appropriate. We shouldn’t take the decision of marrying someone lightly, but, in a Biblical courtship, your one purpose is to judge and dismiss/approve of spousal choices; not to see if you like someone enough to perhaps want to consider it.