I am such a sweet tooth! Really, all things sweet are welcome on my end. I remember the first time I saw sour mats (zure matjes). I only had eyes for the sugar crystals on the red strings of candy. It looked so yummy! I took one and put it in my mouth without thinking twice. It was pure heaven! Well, that is until the sugarcoating dissolved. Oeh! The sour taste hit my tongue. My face squirmed and my jaw contracted: never again! I looked at the ‘candy’ puzzled and thought: “How could something so sweet end up being so sour?”
Character says more than looks
That same question has been asked by many ladies who entered into relationships with men who were sugarcoated on the outside and sour on the inside. You want to weigh the heart of your partner during courtship to avoid lifetime regrets or heartbreaks; the inside first! “But.. Look at his charming smile, his charisma and his muscular physique: he is fine! Besides, he is all I ever wanted.” I want to point out that the refinement of a person’s looks never ever equals the refinement of their character. That is exactly why Jesus said: ‘Outwardly you look like righteous people, but inwardly your hearts are filled with hypocrisy and lawlessness.‘ (Matthew 23:28, NLT) No matter how good-looking he is, those looks are no guarantee of a happy future with him because it is the heart that determines the course of your life (Proverbs 4:23).
I am not saying that looks are negligible, I am only saying the outside is malleable and subject to change. Looks are malleable because you can change certain outward features of any person by going on a few shopping trips. Looks are subject to change because, trust and believe, looks will change as time goes by. However, the core beliefs and behaviorisms of a person cannot be changed by man. It is God who changes and touches hearts. Therefore, you place yourself in a more secure position by choosing a life partner who has an outstanding heart, someone with whom you are sure you can face whatever comes your way. You will thank yourself for prioritising his character because it brings forth a lifelong of experiencing the true, unconditional love God intended for us to experience in marriage. Remember when God sent Samuel to the house of Jesse to anoint one of his sons as the new king of Israel? Samuel picked Jesse’s most handsome looking, tall son and mistakenly thought the anointing was for him! For 1 Samuel 16:7 (NLT) says “But the Lord said to Samuel, “Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him.” The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” I advocate that you take the time to weigh your partner’s heart towards God, others, themselves and you. In which direction will the balance swing when you place your partner’s heart on the scale?
Prayerfully asking God to reveal your partner’s heart to you will enable you to look at your (future) partner through the lens of God. Certain situations will arise that will enable you to see which kind of heart he carries. Is your partner spiritually mature? Respectable? Self-controlled? God-directed? Humble? Faithful over little matters? Gentle? Financially integer? Willing to listen? All these and more are traits each person carries with them throughout their life in varying degrees. As soon as you merge your lives together, they will affect your life too. Will your partner’s heart affect you in a good or a bad way?
The great advantage about weighing is that you will be with someone who consciously made the decision to be with you irrespective of your flaws and vice versa. Together you will exemplify God’s love to the world.