How a lack of Accountability Leads to Stagnance

We are all responsible for ‘something.’

When you are in a courtship, one of the responsibilities both you and your partner have is to stay (sexually) pure until the wedding day. It is important that you focus on God, and that you try to do that together. It is written in Proverbs 27:17 (NIV): “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another“. After all, you are one another’s keeper. Together you can achieve so much more in life. For example, when a knife is blunt, it is still a knife, but not effective. It becomes good for nothing. When it is finally sharpened, it becomes useful and it shines. In the same way, you become better as a godly couple when you feel responsible for one another’s behavior. When you see that your partner is weak or feels like giving up, you naturally feel the urge to speak strength into him or her. When you have the same goal in a courtship, it is easier to unite, for you will both feel responsible to achieve this goal. One of the main goals (if not the main goal) in a courtship is to end up in a godly marriage.

I’m aware of the fact that a lot of ladies compromise all in the name of ‘love’. A man that does not have the same mindset as you and does not share the same level of faith as you, will find it difficult to live according to your godly standards. I have seen ladies that have ended up feeling disappointed, because the man did not want to help the lady live a holy life. Or, he did not have the intentions to eventually turn the relationship into a marriage. So, if the lady for example is willing to compromise, the guy would surely take advantage of that. He does not feel that it is his responsibility to keep the lady on the right track. So when such men don’t get what they ‘need’, they easily give up on the relationship. That is when they become distant towards you. They stop answering your calls, they reply late to your messages and stop planning date nights. They simply stop putting in the effort to make the relationship work. These men you can’t hold them accountable for their actions, for they do not have the same values as you.

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?

– 2 Corinthians 6:14 (NIV)

Lack of accountability is when you or your partner apologize, but there is no change in behaviour. That is when mistakes are repeated. Before you know it, both of you are walking in circles in your relationship. When one person does not feel accountable for anything, it is impossible to move forward as a couple. This is frustrating and something you wouldn’t wish for anyone. Another thing that I have noticed, is that it is very difficult to hold someone accountable for something, if that person is still immature. That is when the person does not understand the end goal of the courtship and is not mentally ready to achieve that goal. So before you enter a courtship there are a few things you need to ask yourself and your potential future husband, this includes finding out the level of maturity. You can’t entrust a big task into the hands of a child. A child has different worries, and marriage is definitely not of them. Don’t be fooled! There are ‘grown up’ men and women who still need time to mature. It is very important that both of you feel equally responsible to make your relationship better in the sight of God. That is the only way a courtship can successfully lead to marriage.

Another advice; make sure the communication between you and your future husband is on point. Every time I get the privilege to listen to relationship advice, communication is one of the first things mentioned by the counselor. You need to know what you want your future husband to be accountable for and, obviously, you need to communicate this to him. Expectations should always be communicated to avoid misunderstanding and disappointments. This means you also need to know what he is expecting from you. This is when you can agree on how to solve issues, how to give feedback on behavior, what to do when one party feels offended and discuss the likes and dislikes. Without good communication it is impossible to develop accountability.

God bless,
Justine Asante

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