Most single women dream of a fabulous wedding. They have it all figured out, that someday, they too will experience the whole walking down the aisle and everything around it. However, some forget that after the wedding you are bound to your partner forever: the marriage part. Marriage is a beautiful union and a great blessing, when you do it with the right person.. Ever thought that it could be difficult at times?
Scripture says that he who finds a wife finds what is good, and receives favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 8:22). This scripture does not talk about the negatives in a wife. It rather says that when a man finds a wife, he finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord. However, there can also be a bad side because every marriage has its ups and its downs. What we as (future) wives sometimes forget is that we are not only the body of the house, but we also are the other half of our spouse. Our husband is the head, but we should be able to help him.
If you do not marry a man after your heart who is walking the same journey as you are, then my sister I am afraid the two of you will experience a lot of brokenness in your marriage. Marriages end in divorce due to various reasons, some of which could be easily avoided. We sometimes literally open the front door for the devil to enter through, and offer him a seat on our own table. We associate ourselves with the wrong people and for a split second forget that we are not the single lady anymore but a wife: A Purpose Wife!
Marriages are breaking down because of laziness, adultery, gossip, lack of respect and stubbornness amongst others. There are women who decide not to clean, cook or take care of themselves anymore after marriage. Excuse me my sister, why did you stop freshening up in the morning? Why did you stop cleaning the house like you used to? What happened to giving your husband a kiss before he leaves for work? My sister, who made you believe it’s okay for you to speak to your husband anyhow? Marriage is not a joke; it is a full time job until the day you die. You can’t tap out halfway through. NO! Marriage is for better and for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer, until death parts you. So nothing should be able to break you. Whatever issue you encounter, you should overcome it.
In my experience as a wife, I have known brokenness in my marriage. There was a time I could not handle my marriage mentally. After I gave birth to my son, I got very ill, which put a strain between me and my husband. I didn’t say anything about it but rather expected him to figure it out. Him being a man, not understanding and knowing what I am thinking as a woman, would go on with business as usual. Don’t get me wrong, he made sure I was fine and took care of me when I was not able to do so myself. But it was never enough for me.
I continued to expect more from him and eventually became very angry. I took all my frustration out on him and turned every little unnecessary thing into an issue. It came to the point that I would get angry with my husband for simply being around me. After some time passed, I saw that my anger only grew. I decided to pray. I prayed so hard that I would cry to the Lord. Honestly, I don’t pray every day because I am constantly busy and/or tired, which is the WORST excuse I can ever give, but this is me being honest: I don’t pray every day. However, during that time, I prayed very hard.
Eventually, I decided to speak to my husband and tell him what was bothering me. (Before that, he had asked me what was wrong several times but I always insisted that there was nothing wrong). When I broke down and opened up, I realized that a heavy load came off my shoulders. He understood me and hugged me. He could have easily lashed out, walked out or made the argument worse. Instead, he tried to understand my frustration and embraced me. We spoke about it and I had to make the promise that I would open up to him if I ever felt like this again.
I later realized that I was close to depression. During that time, I had been so sick that I was close to death and I was dealing with family issues, but I also had to be a mother to my kids and a wife to my husband. The load was very heavy (!) and I almost gave up on myself. I wanted to leave everything behind and just live by myself. But God understood me. The lord I serve heard my prayers and directed me towards my husband. God did not answer the prayer by doing it for me. No. He answered me by directing me to my other half, because my husband was the one who could help me.
Marriage is so powerful people that it surpasses some people’s understanding. I had to heal from my brokenness, and I had to do it together with my other half. When you are married it’s not about yourself anymore. Decisions are made by the two of you together. That is why Scripture says that a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).
So my sister, if you are going through hardship in your marriage or courtship;
- Find out what is troubling you;
- Do not let it break you down;
- Accept your faults;
- Apologize when you have to;
- Understand each other.
Help each other to heal from the brokenness before it’s too late.