Why You Should Befriend and Investigate Him Before the Two of You Start Dating

In current days, it is deemed normal to date as much as you can to find the right person to settle down with. But is that not the reason many get stuck with a broken heart and are singing the “had I known” song? You know, the song that you sing when you wish you took your time before entering into a relationship? Christians are singing the same songs, but should this even be the case? I believe not. I strongly believe that the Christian way of dating should only be revolving around actually finding the right person to marry.

Courtship or friendship?
For the world, dating is the thing you do when you are romantically interested in someone. But for us as believers, it would be wise to use friendship as our building ground instead. You see, when two people date, they make a certain exclusive commitment to each other. In a friendship however, you get to know each other without making a mutual exclusive commitment that you would when you are dating. Instead, you are building something that can eventually lead to a courtship and then marriage. I am using can, because not all friendships end up in marriage. But as soon as you commit to dating someone, you cannot really date anyone else. Better yet, sometimes when you date someone, you might even have to drop some good friendships. But what do you do, when it doesn’t work out and you lost some good friends due to this?

Let’s take a closer look at dating in the Christian point of view. When, through your friendship, you have found that the will of God is to be husband and wife, that’s when the serious stage of courtship starts. This is a commitment made whereby both families know that you have made the intention to get married and settled down. God should be involved in a courtship, please do not forget this. Courtship would be your time of confirmation and if there are still things to be dealt with, that is the moment to deal with it. Use your friendship as grounds to get to know each other in an amicably way and to investigate each other. Start praying over your friendship. Allow God to show you who that person is, without having already committed to that person. Because if that is not the person and you have already giving your heart out, it will be devastating for you.

Listen to God in the silence of your heart, and you will know His perfect plans for you.

Not all that glitters is gold
The bible talks about fleeing fornication and I strongly believe that when you’re just casually dating, fornication will be hard to avoid. God does not want us to be defiling ourselves before we get married, therefore the person we decided to be with should be the one God assigned and designed us women for. Hebrews 13:4 (KJV) says: “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.” Then 1 Cor 6:18 (KJV) says: “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.” Unfortunately this is not the case in this day and age. Many get in relationships to get something out of it (money, wealth, fame, position etc.) and do not do a proper (spiritual) investigation. But be cautious, not all that glitters is gold. It seems like women have stopped praying about their courtship and now end up with a Mr. Lazyazz instead of a Boaz.

Women cannot afford to stop being spiritual investigators. If so, God will be placed second and we only remember God when things go wrong. When reading the Word and examining that person based on the Word, you will know if the person you are interested in is your life partner. You will know. God reveals things to us when we pray to Him. Do not become ignorant and think you are wiser than God. Samson saw Delilah, but she became his downfall. Likewise we women should be alert. Just because Peter, Francis, Kodjo look good, doesn’t mean he is not an empty vessel. Investigate a potential love interest through consultation with God.

Take your time to investigate
From my personal experiences, had I listened to God, I know that my heart would not have been broken the way it was. I entered into a particular relationship without consulting God, but He still spoke to me regarding this person. I thought that person was the one but God kept warning me, even through dreams. Yet I didn’t realize this until everything that was hidden came to light. I saw then the many mistakes I made, especially not listening to the voice of God. Because I was head of heels in love, I never took the time to investigate. If I would have, many things I went through would not have happened.

Do not commit to anything unless you are absolutely sure, because marriage is for better for worse, till death do you part! Investigate! God must be in it. Remember Ecclesiastes 4:12 (KJV), which says: “And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”

God bless,
Claudia Baah
Guest Writer

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