“One day I will marry my prince. We will have a big and beautiful wedding. My sister will be the maid of honor, and my besties will be the bridesmaids. I want to arrive at my wedding with the most expensive and biggest car. My wedding dress needs to be unique and beautiful. My make-up and hair need to be more than on fleek! I HAVE TO SHINE ON MY WEDDING DAY. PERIOD!”
Yes, it’s almost every girls dream to marry at a certain point. It’s beautiful! It’s gorgeous! But the wedding day is just one day. After that comes the real deal: the marriage. Marriage is a union of love, devotion, growth, and loyalty. Just as life is full of learning new things and growing every day to be fruitful, so is marriage. Everybody wants to become the best version of themselves as an individual, and that’s also what needs to be done in marriage.
I have a best friend for almost ten years, with whom I share everything. We can talk on the phone for hours, and not get tired. We always have fun together. Once in a while we argue a bit, but who cares? It’s all part of the friendship. After all, we don’t live together so to give each other space is so easy. A few years ago I went on a vacation with her, and we stayed together for a month. We were so excited to wake up every day and see each other every morning! The day we arrived seemed like a dream come true, being on vacation with my bestie! But then, we had our first argument. It was so different from all the other ones! To be honest, this vacation almost messed up our friendship!
We never knew that we would argue so much about the little things. We had so many differences and we would be so irritated about the smallest things. Like, why are you still in bed by this time? Why is the iron on? Why didn’t you fix the bed? Why are you taking so long? It was as if I was with a complete stranger, even though I thought we knew each other the best. But by the grace of God and as time passed by our way of communication towards the other improved which resulted in decreasing our disagreements. The reason why I’m saying this, is because I want to share some similarities. I know this has nothing to do with marriage, but I think I can give some insight through this.
If my friend and I had the mentality of “This is the way I am, I can’t change it … accept it or leave it”, it would have been a whole different story. That’s a sign of refusing to grow and change. Instead, we came to know and understand each other on a whole other level. We communicated and compromised, and because of that our friendship grew stronger. “Do to others as you would have them do to you.” (Luke 6:31, NIV)
Just as a new married couple, it’s always exciting to come home together after the wedding day. Everything seems so perfect, moving in with the love of your life. But marriage is not a fairy tale. Marriage is about two complete different people from two different backgrounds coming together and becoming one; “and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh.” (Mark 10:8, NIV) In order for you to become one with your spouse, I believe it requires growth. Let’s look at the definition of “growth”. Growth means developing and maturing in a specific area.
Your spouse won’t always live up to your expectations, and there will always be some disagreements or conflicts. You will disappoint or unintentionally hurt each other. Marriage is not about getting what you want all the time. It’s supposed to be about compromising, you give and you take. You need to be able to sacrifice to make your spouse happy.
Try to make your marriage healthy by always learning from each other and growing. Understand each other’s feelings and emotions. Be able to sacrifice, and make your spouse feel comfortable. Be easy to forgive and forget. Life is full of surprises and so is marriage. New circumstances can come your way, but God knows the beginning and the end. Trust in God and depend on Him in your marriage. After all, it was He who brought you and your spouse together; therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate (Mark 10:9, NIV).
Bring on the challenges; I can do this! I will grow to become better and come closer to my spouse. I will persist in the face of setbacks. I see effort as a path to make things better, so I can learn from my mistakes.