“Remember that when you point a finger at someone, there are always three fingers pointing right back at you.” Oh how I love this phrase. It’s actually true, try it😉. I love this phrase because it reminds me not to focus too much on others but to worry more about what goes on in my own life. I used to be quick to tell someone to change their behaviour when I didn’t like it. However, when it came to my own behaviour, I’d pretend I was perfectly fine and not in need of any change. My honest and true friends have shown me that I’m not as perfect as I think I am. They showed me my flaws when I tried to hide them. Unfortunately for me, I can’t be like Beyoncé and sing that I’m “flawless”. Can you?
Courtship is about getting to know one another and to see whether you want to spend the rest of your life with the person you’re courting. When you take your courtship seriously, you will soon find out what a person is really like and what type of character he or she has. Based on this character, we decide if we can deal with this for forever or if we’ll pass and move on to the next person. More often than not, we focus more on the flaws in the characters of others because they are easier to see. “And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? (…) Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.” (Matthew 7:3, 7:5).
Preach, Jesus! We’re often so oblivious to our own flaws, that we become hypocrites at times. And this could lead to us prematurely disregarding a courtship that may actually be good for us. We need to be willing to change ourselves before we point our fingers at others and tell them to change. Many of us have this mentality of ‘If he doesn’t love me just the way I am, I’m leaving him.’ But is this the way to look at it? Is the way you are a pleasant way? Is there really nothing you need to work on?
I agree that when it comes to the ‘physical flaws’ there’s not much you can do about them. So, if someone didn’t love you because of your appearance, then yes, leave them. The flaws I’m referring to, the ones you can work on, are your inner flaws. These are the ones we can and should work on. Have you ever wondered why some of your relationships (friendships, courtships) always go a certain way? Sure, the other person has a role to play in it, but you are the common denominator in all those relationships. Could it be that you are the person who needs to change? I used to think that my way was the best way, until people started pointing out to me that my way wasn’t always right. When I started listening to what others said, I started seeing that I needed to change too. Like Proverbs 12:15 says “Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to others.”
Your courtship is the right period to address things you may not like about the other person. Your courtship is also the right period for another person to address things he does not like about your character. Don’t be offended when someone points out a bad characteristic of yours. Instead, be grateful and learn from it, so you can become a better person; which is beneficial to yourself, your partner, and the relationship. Be wise and listen to advice!
God bless,
Ruth Osei
Co-founder of The Purpose Wife
The Purpose Wife 