“It is the unexpected that creates fear,” my bishop taught during prayer service. I sat for a moment and thought about this saying because it is very true. When you know what is ahead of you, you can prepare for it, but when you don’t know, that’s when fear sets in. It is no different in relationships. How many of us actually know what we are getting ourselves in to when we agree to be in a courtship with someone? Yes, we may have known this person for a while and there is some chemistry, but that surely is no guarantee for a good courtship or a good marriage.
Some of the fears that may occur in a courtship are:
– opening up to your partner;
– trusting your partner;
– not being good enough;
– the courtship not working out;
– being unequally yoked;
– heading the wrong way with your courtship, not doing things God’s way.
I will focus mainly on this last fear: the fear of going the wrong way with your courtship. We, as Christians, believe that our courtship should glorify God. After all, in all things we do, we must glorify Him (1 Corinthians 10:31). If our courtship is meant to glorify God, then it means that we have to do courtship God’s way. My Purpose Wife sisters and I have written multiple articles about doing courtship God’s way, so I won’t elaborate on that. However, I will emphasise the importance of having God in your relationship and keeping Him in it. It is easy to forget about God when you’re having date nights and doing fun stuff with your partner; it happens sometimes. But once it starts becoming the norm to not involve Him at all, you lose Him in your relationship and your focus is no longer on having a godly relationship, but just a relationship.It is essential to have and keep God in your courtship, because He can drive out any fear you may have regarding this relationship and He will show you which way to go. There are many examples in the Bible in which we see God helping His people, and when He does, He tells them to not be afraid. The phrase “do not be afraid” has been mentioned in Scripture several times. This message was also given by Moses when the people of Israel were on their way to the Promised Land. “So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the LORD your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.” (Deuteronomy 31:6, NLT) Let’s break down this verse (with the help of my bishop). It starts with the advice to be strong and courageous. These might not be things you think of when you think about courtship, but you will go through some stages that require you to be just that: strong and courageous. Then the people were told to not be afraid. Why wouldn’t they be afraid? They were travelling to an unknown place and anything could happen to them, but they were told not to be afraid. That does not make any sense, right? Well, it does make sense when God is involved: for the LORD your God will go ahead of you and He will neither fail nor abandon you.
The people of Israel were being led to the unknown, but God knew what was coming, for He is the all-knowing God. Similarly, in your courtship you will not know what is ahead of you, but God knows, for He has gone ahead and He can tell you what is about to come your way. God can show you things before they get worse, which could prevent a heartbreak and other painful situations. He will lead you and show you the right way. Instead of being afraid, try to trust and believe that God will show and tell you all you need to know regarding your partner and your courtship. Keep Him in your courtship as He leads you to one day have a successful marriage, your Promised Land.