Who’s thirsty? I ask because as soon as I post an article, you should automatically know: tea is served. This isn’t the type of tea you’re used to though, it isn’t shady nor scandalous. It’s real and it’s on a theme that young women of today all deal with from time to time: pride.
Okay, so.. I am all about dating with purpose, because if we don’t know where we’re going, why are we going? Am I making sense? If not, check out my recent article Courtship: Dating with a Purpose. Before I start, I want you to keep this in mind: “But when his heart became arrogant and hardened with pride, he was deposed from his royal throne and stripped of his glory.” (Daniel 5:20, NIV) Amen? Amen.
Now here’s the tea. I’ve recently been speaking to a young man who was definitely made in the image and glory of God. Can I get an amen? And that makes me want to match his level. I’m sure we all know how it feels to be insecure, so I’ve been taking steps towards self-improvement. Him calling me a strong, beautiful queen helps a lot too. I have been walking around with an invisible crown on my head, I can’t even lie. His appreciation for the things I do, make me see myself in another light. A different light. And I kind of started to feel myself. Okay, honestly: I really started to feel myself. Also, my edges are swimming and my make-up game is lit, so don’t judge me till you’ve heard the whole story.
We’ve both been discussing how we want to add more of God into our lifestyle. Together, but also as individuals. We have both dated in the past, but dating with purpose is a whole new territory. So, when he suggested we switch from dating with purpose to being friends, because it was all so new.. I. Lost. It. I felt like a queen who had lost her crown. My edges didn’t matter anymore, neither did my concealer, nor my highlighter. I got hit right where it hurt. And instead of me taking what he said as how he meant it, a suggestion, I immediately took it as rejection. And who knows how to deal with rejection? Not me. I thought I couldn’t let him know how I really felt. I thought I couldn’t let him see me without a crown. So I went into defense. I built a wall, sat behind it and started to talk to myself. But sis, let me tell you something: I forgot that I asked God to be in this thing with me. So I wasn’t talking to myself, He heard everything. And since He is a Counsellor and because He loves me, He had to step in and set me straight.
Me: “How could he even say that. To me? Does he even know who he’s talking to..?”
God: “Who is he talking to? Who even are you?”
Me: “I’m a queen! I am a strong, beautiful queen! You know it, I know it!”
God: “Did you even know that before he started telling you those words?”
Me: “Well, … I.. did. But I just never..”
God: “Enough. Take down that wall. The moment you started building it, your crown fell off. You don’t need a crown to be a queen, but you do need to conduct yourself as one, in order to be one.”
God: “Yeah. Exactly.”
After that talk with God embarrassment held me back for a bit, but when I took the wall down and talked to him as I was instructed to, I realized that I should have never built that wall. I made sure I opened up and understood first what he was trying to tell me all along. Sis, these men are not all trash. Don’t go building like I did, just listen and open up to what you’re being told. We had a good, long talk in which I put myself in his position, he put himself in mine, and we eventually came to a consensus. That’s the way it should be.
As Daniel 5:20 so beautifully states, pride hardens. And as women, we aren’t the ones that are meant to be hard. We are meant to pray about everything and with the insight gained, we should conduct ourselves accordingly. Adam needed someone to live with and to love. Someone who could assure him as soon as doubt creeped in. If Eve would have built a wall like mine.. “Yeah. Exactly.”
In conclusion, aka the last sip of tea, don’t allow yourself to become so proud that you lose sight of what makes you good for someone or something. Keep improving yourself, but never get ahead of yourself. And always keep your crown on your head. That’s where it should be.
P.S.: We’re still dating with purpose.